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Post by angel71242 on Apr 30, 2009 8:26:27 GMT -5
I visit a site called Carepages and have a few children that I read about that have cancer. Unfortunately many have passed and I can definitely say that the parents do not like to hear "they are in a better place" or "at least they are not in pain anymore". What they would rather hear, like smpyrtle said, is "I'm so sorry" and "Let me know if there is anything I can do" (and mean it!).
As to Charlie being self-centered...noooo, not Charlie!!!! (Being sarcastic here!). I agree with what you said Maria about attending a wake or a funeral. How it is not about yourself, but about the family left behind.
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Post by smpyrtle on Apr 30, 2009 9:23:22 GMT -5
You're right Angel. When we lose a loved one we don't want to hear they're in a better place or not in pain anymore. We're hurting so much at the time all we know is we miss them.
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Post by debbie on Apr 30, 2009 10:06:07 GMT -5
deliberatelyr=angel71242 board=board1 thread=74 post=517 time=1241036440]What you are saying is definitely a possibility.
Also, another way to think about it, if he DID say it to see what others would think - it could have been like a "cry for help" thing. Like they say about people who commit suicide or try to commit suicide. They will say something the person did was a "cry for help".
Although I believe what you explained above makes a little more sense in relation to the type of person Charlie was![/quote]
I certainly agree Angel. Many murderers leave subtle clues behind. Often times to tease the authorities or throw them off. Some serial killers leave clues deliberately—albeit subtle or hard to find, it’s part of the high involved in the game of murder. For Charlie being sick.. as he WAS, I do believe he did and said several things that would have triggered someone to question him. If Marion had stuck to his guns and saw to it that Charlie went that day this tragedy may never have happened.
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Post by Jackhammer on May 2, 2009 13:34:58 GMT -5
This isn't exactly the same situation, but something kind of similar happened to me in November. My Mother and Sister died two days apart this past November. We had a double wake and funeral for them. At the wake, my niece (the daughter of my sister that had just passed) said "I'm the next one.". She had been diagnosed with lung cancer a few months prior to that and was going through chemotherapy. While we knew that there was probably a good chance that she was right, we just made comments like "don't say that, Tammy". But I wonder if she had made a comment like "I wouldn't mind going if I could take my family with me." I doubt that we would think that she had any thoughts about killing her family, but just stating that she'd miss her family if she died, but wouldn't mind dying if they were to go with her. Now, she was fighting a life-threatening disease, so her comments wouldn't have been so unusual, but wasn't Charlie considered depressed? People that fight depression do make dark comments sometimes. BTW- Tammy was correct. She passed away in February, four months later.
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Post by Angela on May 2, 2009 13:48:39 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Jackhammer for the loss of your mother and sister. That's a heavy burden I'm sure. We all love you in here. Maria
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Post by Jackhammer on May 2, 2009 14:31:00 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Jackhammer for the loss of your mother and sister. That's a heavy burden I'm sure. We all love you in here. Maria Thanks, Maria. I really didn't mean to hijack this thread. I just wanted to make a comparison as to how someone might hear things differently. I think that even today, if I heard someone that I knew was depressed make a comment like what Charlie supposedly said, I don't think that I would expect him or her to kill his family. I might even think that it was a sign that he didn't want to die. That he wanted to stay with his family. But in hindsight, that comment does seem ominous. I've heard people say "I could kill those kids sometimes", and while I don't like to hear stuff like that, I don't really suspect that the person is literally gonna kill his kids. Yet, if he does kill the kids, I'm sure gonna feel like I should have maybe done something about it. Just my opinion.
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Post by smpyrtle on May 2, 2009 21:05:03 GMT -5
Jackhammer at my husbands funeral his youngest sister made the comment "wonder who will be next" and 6 wks later she passed away. All of us definitely remembered that statement. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother and sister.
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Post by Angela on May 3, 2009 5:14:49 GMT -5
That's the terrible thing about it, you don't know if they really mean what they say or not and what can you do anyway? You can't take a statement like what Charlie said and haul that person away in a straight jacket or watch them every second of every day, and if they were serious about killing their family and theirselves, the only way you know for sure they meant it is AFTER they do it and of course by then it's too late.
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Post by debbie on May 4, 2009 8:17:16 GMT -5
So sorry to hear about your mom and sis Jackhammer, and then to lose your aunt is almost unbearable. But you really made us think about your thoughts on it. I'm sure your aunt may have known she was dying as allot of people do when they are struck with a terminal illness. Her comment was probably one more of the inevitable. Charlie, I'm sure was depressed but even thinking of taking someone else other than yourself to the grave is unimaginable to me. Kill yourself sure....but your loved ones too? If he had made a comment like, "I wouldn't mind dying if I knew it would be quick", is one thing (Of course it would still raise a red flag for me, because I love life!). But to blatantly say you wouldn't mind dying if you could take your family with you raises two flags for me.
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Post by angel71242 on May 4, 2009 9:00:28 GMT -5
So sorry about your mom and sis Jackhammer.
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