Post by Brian on Jun 25, 2009 0:31:28 GMT -5
02/10/07 at 04:52 PM
LLL
Hi
I wanted to related to the fact that incest very well went on in the Charlie Lawson era and before that. My mother's mother was abused(tied to the bed and used for sexual purposes) along with her sister and their father was sent to prison for it (This is documented at the courthouse in my county). As you know women back then if considered "USED" was not top marriage material and my grandmother did what she had to do to survive and men used her and she had several children by different men and because of her ways she was kicked out of the county that she lived in. She would go off with these men and leave my mother and her siblings for days alone and with nothing to eat. My mother told of one time of her mother and her male relations and how she fall into the river and no one would even help her out that she somehow survivored. After my mother's mother met another man to marry she would go around and set her children out at different houses and just leave them there that is how my mother became adopted and she spoke of how the man that adopted her would try to put his hands on her at night and if she went on dates he would get mad and they would work her in the fields like a slave that every row of tobacco was hers to ho. I remember her telling me that she was tapping her feet to some music on a radio and he beat her so bad and she was late due to helping someone else and he beat her black and blue and yes can you believe he was a deacon of the church Please! Her sister also suffered the same kind of faith the family that adopted her the man in the family would rub up against her in a sexual matter (she was only 3 years old)and the woman would just change her dress and go on like it wasn't nothing. Needless to say after his death he was cremated and his ashes are in a box in her garage. She had him cremated without clothes. I guess this is her way of saying that you are nothing now, but she has had to have help with her past. My mother would not go to her real mothers funeral and I really can't blame her. My uncle told me you don't want to meet those people. So you can see abuse can be anywhere, any type of person even a deacon of a church and it effects a lot of people we just can't turn our heads and ignore it just because someone seem nice doesn't always show ones true colors.(Maybe men should be a little more accountable for their actions and that is not referring to all men there are women out there too)
02/12/07 at 06:57 PM
Maria
Dear LLL,
I'm sorry that your family has known and endured so much pain and abuse. They must have suffered terribly. And you are so right in saying that people are not always as they seem. Some seemingly nice people have done many terrible things. John Wayne Gacy, Ted Bundy, just to name two. And the Catholic priests scandal from a couple of years back comes to mind. It's very brave of you to share your family's heartaches with us here. That took courage. Thank you for sharing.
Maria
02/12/07 at 11:36 PM
LLL
Maria
Thanks! I just thought it need to be said to put things in prespective that it does go on now or in the past and thank God people have resources now whereas back in those days a woman just had to bear the burden.
God Bless!
LLL
02/13/07 at 01:11 PM
cpage
LLL, I really hestitated to respond, but with a heavy heart, I will. My prayers go out to you. I was married in 1975 to an abusive husband and because of religious upbringing and strong belief of vows before God, I lived and put up with it for 3 1/2 years. Thank God no children was born into the marriage. People suspicioned, but never got involved. They acted scared, not nearly as scared as I. The only time I was happy was when I was at work. He knew it took 13 minutes for me to drive from work to the driveway, and if I was not home by then, well I was punished. I couldn't talk to my family or friends because of the threats. I still can't talk about the things he did to me. I was lucky. I remember driving home from work one day and God laid it on my heart to be strong enough to tell him he could kill me or whatever but The marriage was over, I just couldn't live this way anymore. God answered my prayer and allowed him to be (sickly) sympathetic;; you know the kind....
Enough time for me to get out and get safe. Of course, it was rough when he found out I meant it. But I made sure he could not get to me! I know what domestic violence is and I am so thankful there are places and shelters now for women to run to. And please ladies, run, and don't look back, no matter how many times they say "I'm sorry, I won't do that again". Carol
cpage
02/13/07 at 01:31 PM
Maria
Dear Carol.
You were one of the fortunate ones by getting out and not going back. The heart breaking thing though is that so many get out of the abusive situation only to go right back to their abuser. Some of them go back because they are older women with no job skills and they are afraid they can't make it on their own financially. Some have no friends or family to support them emotionally after they leave so they go back. And some women's self esteem has been so damaged by their abuser that they actually believe they made him do it and that they deserve the abuse. It's incredibly sad.
Maria
D 02/13/07 at 08:01 PM
Hi CPage
I think it is wonderful that you had the courage to stand up and make a life for yourself. No one should be ashamed it is not your fault just like it wasn't my mother, aunt or even my grandmother's (to a degree) fault. They bare scares that have effected their self worth I'm sure. I feel the trials of this life should not be hidden, but it should be a tool to help others. I hope God blesses your life and please keep your head held high you did the right thing.
LLL
02/14/07 at 12:26 PM
cpage
Thank You Maria and LLL for your kind words. But like when I told it, I want to give God the credit, not me. It was God that spoke to my heart that day and and told me He didn't intend for me or anyone to live that way. It was God that showed me and and gave me the strength to go on home and stand up to a man who had beat and done physical and unnatural things to me and tell him I couldn't take it anymore, that it was over. I just can't understand someone leaving, and getting out and then going back to live and getting beat again and gain. My problem was I couldn't go anywhere but to work and back. Not to Church, shopping, no friends, I was like a prisoner in my home. He made it uncomfortable for any family, anyone to visit, other than HIS family, I shopped with HIM. He was only allowed phone calls, can I go on? No, I really shouldn't do this.. I had put this all in the past, even dropped HIS name. It took me 2 1/2 yrs to get the divorce because he was just "mean" Oh well, after all this I got in church, rededicated my life to the LORD;; I pray I can be a blessing to someone each day, and maybe help that one that is helpless if in some small
way. carol
cpage
02/14/07 at 08:33 PM
douglasboulding
dear carol i am so glad you got out of there a lot of times they don't get away. sometimes they don't even know what is going to happen till its to late. i know i have lived through a lot of things to..may god bless and keep you always. Lawson family member
keneth d boulding
LLL
Hi
I wanted to related to the fact that incest very well went on in the Charlie Lawson era and before that. My mother's mother was abused(tied to the bed and used for sexual purposes) along with her sister and their father was sent to prison for it (This is documented at the courthouse in my county). As you know women back then if considered "USED" was not top marriage material and my grandmother did what she had to do to survive and men used her and she had several children by different men and because of her ways she was kicked out of the county that she lived in. She would go off with these men and leave my mother and her siblings for days alone and with nothing to eat. My mother told of one time of her mother and her male relations and how she fall into the river and no one would even help her out that she somehow survivored. After my mother's mother met another man to marry she would go around and set her children out at different houses and just leave them there that is how my mother became adopted and she spoke of how the man that adopted her would try to put his hands on her at night and if she went on dates he would get mad and they would work her in the fields like a slave that every row of tobacco was hers to ho. I remember her telling me that she was tapping her feet to some music on a radio and he beat her so bad and she was late due to helping someone else and he beat her black and blue and yes can you believe he was a deacon of the church Please! Her sister also suffered the same kind of faith the family that adopted her the man in the family would rub up against her in a sexual matter (she was only 3 years old)and the woman would just change her dress and go on like it wasn't nothing. Needless to say after his death he was cremated and his ashes are in a box in her garage. She had him cremated without clothes. I guess this is her way of saying that you are nothing now, but she has had to have help with her past. My mother would not go to her real mothers funeral and I really can't blame her. My uncle told me you don't want to meet those people. So you can see abuse can be anywhere, any type of person even a deacon of a church and it effects a lot of people we just can't turn our heads and ignore it just because someone seem nice doesn't always show ones true colors.(Maybe men should be a little more accountable for their actions and that is not referring to all men there are women out there too)
02/12/07 at 06:57 PM
Maria
Dear LLL,
I'm sorry that your family has known and endured so much pain and abuse. They must have suffered terribly. And you are so right in saying that people are not always as they seem. Some seemingly nice people have done many terrible things. John Wayne Gacy, Ted Bundy, just to name two. And the Catholic priests scandal from a couple of years back comes to mind. It's very brave of you to share your family's heartaches with us here. That took courage. Thank you for sharing.
Maria
02/12/07 at 11:36 PM
LLL
Maria
Thanks! I just thought it need to be said to put things in prespective that it does go on now or in the past and thank God people have resources now whereas back in those days a woman just had to bear the burden.
God Bless!
LLL
02/13/07 at 01:11 PM
cpage
LLL, I really hestitated to respond, but with a heavy heart, I will. My prayers go out to you. I was married in 1975 to an abusive husband and because of religious upbringing and strong belief of vows before God, I lived and put up with it for 3 1/2 years. Thank God no children was born into the marriage. People suspicioned, but never got involved. They acted scared, not nearly as scared as I. The only time I was happy was when I was at work. He knew it took 13 minutes for me to drive from work to the driveway, and if I was not home by then, well I was punished. I couldn't talk to my family or friends because of the threats. I still can't talk about the things he did to me. I was lucky. I remember driving home from work one day and God laid it on my heart to be strong enough to tell him he could kill me or whatever but The marriage was over, I just couldn't live this way anymore. God answered my prayer and allowed him to be (sickly) sympathetic;; you know the kind....
Enough time for me to get out and get safe. Of course, it was rough when he found out I meant it. But I made sure he could not get to me! I know what domestic violence is and I am so thankful there are places and shelters now for women to run to. And please ladies, run, and don't look back, no matter how many times they say "I'm sorry, I won't do that again". Carol
cpage
02/13/07 at 01:31 PM
Maria
Dear Carol.
You were one of the fortunate ones by getting out and not going back. The heart breaking thing though is that so many get out of the abusive situation only to go right back to their abuser. Some of them go back because they are older women with no job skills and they are afraid they can't make it on their own financially. Some have no friends or family to support them emotionally after they leave so they go back. And some women's self esteem has been so damaged by their abuser that they actually believe they made him do it and that they deserve the abuse. It's incredibly sad.
Maria
D 02/13/07 at 08:01 PM
Hi CPage
I think it is wonderful that you had the courage to stand up and make a life for yourself. No one should be ashamed it is not your fault just like it wasn't my mother, aunt or even my grandmother's (to a degree) fault. They bare scares that have effected their self worth I'm sure. I feel the trials of this life should not be hidden, but it should be a tool to help others. I hope God blesses your life and please keep your head held high you did the right thing.
LLL
02/14/07 at 12:26 PM
cpage
Thank You Maria and LLL for your kind words. But like when I told it, I want to give God the credit, not me. It was God that spoke to my heart that day and and told me He didn't intend for me or anyone to live that way. It was God that showed me and and gave me the strength to go on home and stand up to a man who had beat and done physical and unnatural things to me and tell him I couldn't take it anymore, that it was over. I just can't understand someone leaving, and getting out and then going back to live and getting beat again and gain. My problem was I couldn't go anywhere but to work and back. Not to Church, shopping, no friends, I was like a prisoner in my home. He made it uncomfortable for any family, anyone to visit, other than HIS family, I shopped with HIM. He was only allowed phone calls, can I go on? No, I really shouldn't do this.. I had put this all in the past, even dropped HIS name. It took me 2 1/2 yrs to get the divorce because he was just "mean" Oh well, after all this I got in church, rededicated my life to the LORD;; I pray I can be a blessing to someone each day, and maybe help that one that is helpless if in some small
way. carol
cpage
02/14/07 at 08:33 PM
douglasboulding
dear carol i am so glad you got out of there a lot of times they don't get away. sometimes they don't even know what is going to happen till its to late. i know i have lived through a lot of things to..may god bless and keep you always. Lawson family member
keneth d boulding